Tuesday, February 07, 2006

A real redneck story.

The following story was told to me by one of the carpenters who was working on my roof. I have translated it from redneck to english, partly because it's easier to read that way, but mostly becasue I can't be bothered to write it in dialect.

The story starts out at a party, and at this party there was a problem, the keg had just run out. Now the only guy with the car (lets call him Steve) was busy trying to get laid, so he gave his keys to his friend Dave. Dave and a few other guys took Steve's van and drove to the local Wal-Mart to get the keg refilled (I'm not just inserting a generic buisness name here, you can actually get a keg refilled at Wal-Mart.)

With a keg full of beer, everyone piled in the van and headed back to the party. On the way back, as the came around a bend in the road, they clipped a deer. They barely hit it, there wasnt a scratch on the car, but the deer was lying down on the road in front of the car. Now as amazingly stupefying as the next part of the story sounds, you'll have to take my word that it actually happened (hey this wouldn't be a redneck story without something involding a dead deer right?). Dave and his friends got out of the car, picked up the deer and put it in the back of the van.

When they got back to the party and unloaded the keg, Steve and made some signifigant progress with a girl, and took her outside to show her the back of his van (if you take my meaning). Dave and his friends were so happy for Steve (he was still a virgin), that they forgot to tell him about the dead deer they had put in the back of his van. Steve and the girl stumbled their way into the back of the van (obviously too inebriated to notice the dead looking deer lying in the back.)

After a few seconds the van started rocking back and forth, and a considerable ammount of noise was emanating from the back (or as it's referred to down here "hootin an' a hollerin'").
Dave and his friends were watching this spectacle, saying to theirselves, "Boy I bet Steve is having the time of his life!" when all the sudden...


The rear doors flew open, and out came Steve and the girl, completly naked and running for their lives. Bounding after them came the now revived deer, which chased them down the street and out of sight of the partygoers. Needless to say, Steve never made it with the girl.

~The Redneck Viking

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