Respect your teachers.

Show that asshole at the chalkboard some respect kids, or you might just wind up in jail. That’s right, a 16 year old kid in Roswell is being held in custody today for making threats to blow up his school along with a few of his teachers and classmates. What’s that you say? A threat like this should be taken seriously? He might actually go crazy and kill these people? Well normally I would agree, if not for the fact that these threats were nothing more than a couple of postings on his MySpace. He does however get get credibility for referring to Columbine, and making a hit list of his would be victims.

What’s even more infuriating about the whole thing, are the students that the news channel picks to interview. The girl was so ditsy I was astounded she could stop playing with her hair long enough to speak. Let’s look at some of the finer points of her interview:

"Somebody actually told me that my name was on it, like, the hit list."
No wonder honey, I've only been looking at you for 5 seconds, and I already want you killed.
"I don’t think anybody would go through with it. And anybody who was that serious about it would have gotten caught before it happened."
Yeah I suppose you're right, administrations in this country have always been good at anticipating attacks that aren’t actually happening.

So as it stands now, "Outcast", as he calls himself on MySpace, is scheduled for trial tomorrow charged with terrorist threats against state property. I for one feel a lot safer knowing that one more MySpace terrorist is behind bars and awaiting the persecution of our flawless law system. Heres the story if you want to check it out.

~The Redneck Viking

Ode to Valentines Day.

Valentines Day, a day of love, caring, and a general reminder that we should occasionally pretend to not to hate each other. In order to better present this holiday, I've invited three guest writers to give their own view on the subject.

Oh how I love Valentines Day! The hearts! The flowers! Why it's enough to make me just want to give everyone a big hug. I sent a valentine to all of my friends, and even some people I don't know that well, maybe they'll be my friend too! I also celebrate the holiday with my apparel: I have a pink skirt, a shirt with a big red heart, and a pretty pink bow on top of my head. I think this is the best day that could ever be!

~The Girl with too much Vicodin

This is fucking pointless. The only point to this miserable excuse of a holiday is to remind us all of how alone we really are. I personally think the best way to celebrate is to have a big bonfire, cast in a handful of black roses, and then cry. Today I wore black to show everyone what's really going on. Life is pointless anyway...
Oh yeah, fuck all of you.

~The Emo kid that cries in the corner

Hi, I'm the one standing on the sidelines, watching Ms. Vicodin and Mr. Emo duke it out. Today isn't any better than any other second tier holiday. I don't need an assigned day to tell the people around me that I care about them. I see people go nuts over Valentines Day cards every year, jumping around like idiots if they get one, and sobbing in the corner if they don't. But to each his own I supposes, for now I'll be sitting up here, watching the epic battle unfold below.

~The Girl with a Brain

Well there you have it folks, three very different opinions, and only one of them sane. But hey, I'm not here to judge, make up your own mind.

~The Redneck Viking

Back to my homeland.

Whew, good to be back in good ol' New York! After being back for a total of three days, i can conclusively say that it's alot more fun up here.

Since I havn't posted for a while, let's recap:

Got back from Florida at about 1am Tuesday morning, after a 26 hour car drive (would have been faster, but I was traveling with 3 women). The next day I spent at a location which will remain undisclosed, but lets just say it was time well spent. Yesterday I learned the correct answers to the saftey test that I failed, apparently my simple philosophy of "don't die" wasn't good enough. On the plus side I had a very promising interview with a woman from Yale, so hopefully that'll work in my favor.

In related news, I might actually get into college soon. Decisions come in the mail March 15th, so keep your fingers crossed.

Thats about it for now, hopefully the weather will permit some actual rowing today, and maby even some photo ops.

~The Redneck Viking

Been on a long voyage...

I've been busy for the past ouple of weeks, so my blog has been slightly neglected. But fear not! I shall soon be back with a late vValentines Day entry (you didn't think I would let that oppertunity go did you?)

~The Redneck Viking

A real redneck story.

The following story was told to me by one of the carpenters who was working on my roof. I have translated it from redneck to english, partly because it's easier to read that way, but mostly becasue I can't be bothered to write it in dialect.

The story starts out at a party, and at this party there was a problem, the keg had just run out. Now the only guy with the car (lets call him Steve) was busy trying to get laid, so he gave his keys to his friend Dave. Dave and a few other guys took Steve's van and drove to the local Wal-Mart to get the keg refilled (I'm not just inserting a generic buisness name here, you can actually get a keg refilled at Wal-Mart.)

With a keg full of beer, everyone piled in the van and headed back to the party. On the way back, as the came around a bend in the road, they clipped a deer. They barely hit it, there wasnt a scratch on the car, but the deer was lying down on the road in front of the car. Now as amazingly stupefying as the next part of the story sounds, you'll have to take my word that it actually happened (hey this wouldn't be a redneck story without something involding a dead deer right?). Dave and his friends got out of the car, picked up the deer and put it in the back of the van.

When they got back to the party and unloaded the keg, Steve and made some signifigant progress with a girl, and took her outside to show her the back of his van (if you take my meaning). Dave and his friends were so happy for Steve (he was still a virgin), that they forgot to tell him about the dead deer they had put in the back of his van. Steve and the girl stumbled their way into the back of the van (obviously too inebriated to notice the dead looking deer lying in the back.)

After a few seconds the van started rocking back and forth, and a considerable ammount of noise was emanating from the back (or as it's referred to down here "hootin an' a hollerin'").
Dave and his friends were watching this spectacle, saying to theirselves, "Boy I bet Steve is having the time of his life!" when all the sudden...

BAM!

The rear doors flew open, and out came Steve and the girl, completly naked and running for their lives. Bounding after them came the now revived deer, which chased them down the street and out of sight of the partygoers. Needless to say, Steve never made it with the girl.

~The Redneck Viking

OW!

I just bashed the holy living shit out of my right big toe. Now its bleeding everywhere and theres a big crack down the middle of the nail. I just thought you all would like to know that.

How to put on a new roof, in 500 difficult steps.

Today turned out to be rather interesting. As some of you may know, the reason im stuck in Florida untill march rolls around is because a couple of nasty hurricanes ran right over my house and I have to fix it. So right now the new and improved (we hope) roof is being put on, and the process has been somewhat difficult. First we (by we I mean me, my mom and my two sisters) had to find someone to draw up the blueprints for the new roof. Then we had to obtain a permit from the city building department, and we all know how plesant government workers are. After that was done (a one year process, no joke) we were ready for the new roof to go on. We met with the roofing company rep, a very nice, well dressed man of about 25 who oddly reminded me of Charlie Brown. He explained how the roof went on, and in my mind, I saw the whole operation running smooth as silk. A perfectly orchestrated crew of Charlie Browns putting on my new roof, unfortunatly that wasnt exactly how it happened.

First came the contractors, whose job it was to frame the new roof. We actually managed to scare most of the crew away, and ended up with only two guys working. This part of the story is actually the happiest, the two guys were very nice and one of them gave me a story that I will tell you another time, but it's deffinitely worth waiting for.

Then Charlie Brown came back and told us that he was sending over a "stripping crew". Much to my dismay this did not mean that i would get to oversee a crew of scantily clad, supermodel like roofers, these were just the guys that stripped the old shingles off. This wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining if they hadn't been using pitchforks to take the shingles off. Yes you heard me right, pitchforks.

Then came the "membrane crew" (what's with these names?) These guys were responsible for putting on peel-and-stick (for those of you that don't know, it's a type of tar paper with sticky adhesive on one side, thereby eliminating the need for nails) and basically make sure there were no places the roof could leak (they should be fired by the way).

Once again Charlie Brown graced us with his presence, this time to introduce the "metal crew". I should mention at this point why these various crews diddnt match my initial mental image of this project. Every crew he sent over, with the exception of this one, consisted of one redneck, and about eight mexicans, none of whom spoke english. This new group of guys comprised of 5 mexicans, and once again, none of them spoke english. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not prejeduce at all, but if these are going to be the guys responsible for my roof, I want at least one of them to speak my language.

So thats where I am right now. I have half of my roof covered with brand new metal panels, and half with leaky peel-and-stick. I've even developed a form of communication to speak with the workers. I come out waving my arms and yelling, and that means, "You just cut another hole in my new roof!" They respond to this by nodding, yelling "OK" and then cutting another hole.

Anyway it rained inside the house today and that prompted me to share my unique expierence with you. Either tomorrow or later tonight I'll have another rather unique story for you, till then.

~The Redneck Viking